—Lionel Asbo - Martin Amis
Auto-Tuned Opening Lines - Lionel Asbo by Martin Amis
Our favourite one yet, Martin Amis’ new novel becomes a haunting Scott Walker-esque melody.
I’m having an affair with an older woman.
Shes’ a lady of some sophistication,
and makes a refreshing change from the teen agers I know
(like Alektra for example, or Chanel.)
The sex is fantastic and I think I’m in love.
But ther’es one very serious complication
and i’ts this;shes’ my Gran!
Desmond Pepperdine (Desmond, Des, Desi),
the author of this document, was fifteen and a half.
And his handwriting, nowadays, was selfconsciously elegant;
the letters used to slope backward,
but he patiently trained them to slope forward;
and when everything was smoothly conjoined
he started adding little flourishes
(his e was positively ornate—
like a w turned on its side)