Waterstones Oxford Street

For when 140 characters isn't enough.
Waterstones Oxford Street

—Lionel Asbo - Martin Amis

Auto-Tuned Opening Lines - Lionel Asbo by Martin Amis

Our favourite one yet, Martin Amis’ new novel becomes a haunting Scott Walker-esque melody.

Lyrics (The incorrect spelling is taken directly from the novel, it’s not us forgetting how to type):

Dear Jennaveieve,

I’m having an affair with an older woman.

Shes’ a lady of some sophistication,

and makes a refreshing change from the teen agers I know 

(like Alektra for example, or Chanel.)

The sex is fantastic and I think I’m in love.

But ther’es one very serious complication

and i’ts this;shes’ my Gran! 

Desmond Pepperdine (Desmond, Des, Desi),

the author of this document, was fifteen and a half.

And his handwriting, nowadays, was selfconsciously elegant;

the letters used to slope backward,

but he patiently trained them to slope forward;

and when everything was smoothly conjoined 

he started adding little flourishes

(his e was positively ornate—

like a w turned on its side)

—

You too can Auto-Tune your life using the ace Songify app (here) created by The Gregory Brothers (here).

Author Blog - Kevin Brooks

We’ve been asking authors to tell us a bit about their favourite books and how they’ve influenced their own writing. The response so far has been fantastic and we’re glad to say it’s the turn of Kevin Brooks this week. His newest book, Until the Darkness Comes was published a couple of weeks ago, it’s almost as if we try to coincide these entires with new releases. Under the cut you’ll see his picks:

Usually, we’d link all these books back to Waterstones.com but as that’s down today (20th June) so we can’t. Wait until the website’s back up before putting this up, you say? We’d love to but these things take time to put together and tomorrow’s a busy day in the shop. It’s much quicker to insert the links later. Anyway, we’ll pass on to Mr Brooks.

Read More

Five Film Adaptations That Should Have Never Been Made

There’s an argument which we’ll save for another entry that reckons that the only time a book can be satisfyingly filmed is if that book is a short story. Don’t Look Now and Brokeback Mountain are two immediate examples (we’re saving our others for that other entry we just mentioned). There’s simply too much happening in a novel to fit into two hours. Details must be left out which can change the entire nature of the story and sometimes things can’t be fully explained in a film which can just confuse anyone who hasn’t read the book (for example, the salute in The Hunger Games loses its significance unless you already know the backstory from the book).  Personally, I just think it’s a shame that being a book doesn’t seem to be enough and that a film is somehow seen as being a more legitimate way of telling a story.

But anyway, enough of that, here’s five film adaptations we’d throw behind the Hollywood sign and leave for dead. 

(There may be spoilers)

Read More

Waterstones Oxford Street

—The Illustrated Man - Ray Bradbury

Auto-Tuned Opening Lines - The Illustrated Man by Ray Bradbury

More than a few of the booksellers in our store are admirers of Ray Bradbury’s books and we were very sad to hear of his death. We recorded this song about a month ago but didn’t want to put it up as last week as, quite frankly, we think it might have seemed opportunistic. So, here, in our own way of tribute to one of the best modern writers there’s been, is the auto-tuned Illustrated Man.  

Lyrics:

It was a warm afternoon in early September

when I first met the Illustrated Man.

Walking along an asphalt road,

I was on the final leg of a two weeks’ walking tour of Wisconsin.

Late in the afternoon I stopped, ate some pork, beans, and a doughnut,

and was preparing to stretch out and read

when the Illustrated Man walked over the hill

and stood for a moment against the sky.

I didn’t know he was illustrated then.

I only know that he was tall, once well muscled,

but now, for some reason, going to fat.

I recall that his arms were long, and the hands thick,

but that his face was like a child’s, set upon a massive body.

He seemed only to sense my presence,

—

You too can Auto-Tune your life using the ace Songify app (here) created by The Gregory Brothers (here).

Author Blog - Jonathan Lee

Jonathan Lee is the author of Who Is Mr Satoshi? and, published today, Joy (look! There’s a picture of the cover above and below, a plot synopsis we’ve shamelessly taken from our parent site, Waterstones.com)

‘Did she jump? Did she fall? Will she wake?’ On an ordinary Friday afternoon in the office, talented young lawyer Joy Stephens plummets forty feet onto a marble floor. In the shadow of this baffling event, the lives of those closest to her begin to collide and change in unexpected ways. There is Dennis, her disgraced husband, who finds consolation in books; her colleague Peter, whose refuge is a mix of hedonism and hard work; Barbara, Joy’s prickly PA, who’d be content if only she could get away to New York; and Samir, Joy’s hygiene-obsessed personal trainer, who escapes into exercise routines and other, stranger rituals. In a sparkling glass office in London’s Square Mile - a place bursting with flirtations, water cooler confrontations and dangerous amounts of abject boredom - each of them is forced to question what they’ve witnessed, and to face past moments that have defined Joy’s life, as well as their own. 

And, below the cut, Jonathan has written about his own favourite books and personal influences. Click on any book’s title or cover to see it at Waterstones.com. That’s our bit, now we’ll pass you on to Jonathan.

Read More

Six Books About You - Stories Written in the Second-person

You finish yet another book where a first-person narrator has told you all about their adventures or a nameless god has just finished a story about characters who you suspect don’t really exist. ‘I think, therefore I am,’ you think (therefore you are). You want a book about a character you know is real. Let’s face it, you want a book about you. You don’t want to be sitting on the bus to work reading about other people, you want to be reading about nobody but yourself. So, here you are, six books about you. You raging ego-maniac.

(You can click on the title or cover of each book and find yourself on the corresponding page at waterstones.com)

Read More

Author Blog - Ros Barber


Ros Barber is the author of the excellent The Marlowe Papers (which, last week, our guest author Jess Richards singled out as being one of her favourite recent releases). Now, we don’t know about you but we’re already a little in love with any author who decides to write an entire novel in iambic pentameter. If they can pull it off, which Ros Barber most definitely can, well, we’re head over heels. The kind of love that makes you finally understand why people enjoy romantic films. Ahem, anyway, before Ms Barber thinks we’re creepy..

We’ve shamelessly copied the plot information from Waterstones.com and pasted it below. 

On May 30th, 1593, a celebrated young playwright was killed in a tavern brawl in London. That, at least, was the official version. Now Christopher Marlowe reveals the truth: that his ‘death’ was an elaborate ruse to avoid being convicted of heresy; that he was spirited across the Channel to live on in lonely exile; that he continued to write plays and poetry, hiding behind the name of a colourless man from Stratford - one William Shakespeare. With the grip of a thriller and the emotional force of a sonnet, this remarkable novel in verse gives voice to a man who was brilliant, passionate and mercurial. A cobbler’s son who counted nobles among his friends, a spy in the Queen’s service, a fickle lover and a declared religious sceptic, he was always courting trouble. Memoir, love letter, confession, settling of accounts and a cry for recognition as the creator of some of the most sublime works in the English language, The Marlowe Papers brings Christopher Marlowe and his era to vivid life. Written by a poet and scholar, it is a work of exceptional art, erudition and imagination.

You can find it on Waterstones.com by clicking here or, as always, in any of our shops across the country. The same rules apply here as they do on all our entries, click the book cover or title to see it at our main website.

We asked her for a small list of books that have influenced her life and writing, her choices are:

Read More

Waterstones Oxford Street

—Fifty Shades of Grey - E.L. James

Auto-Tuned Opening Lines - Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James

Lyrics:

I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror.

Damn my hair—it just won’t behave,

and damn Katherine Kavanagh for being ill

and subjecting me to this ordeal.

I should be studying for my final exams,

which are next week, yet here I am

trying to brush my hair into submission. 

I must not sleep with it wet.

I must not sleep with it wet. 

Reciting this mantra several times,

I attempt, once more,

to bring it under control with the brush.

I roll my eyes in exasperation

and gaze at the pale, brown-haired girl

with blue eyes too big for her face staring back at me

—

You too can Auto-Tune your life using the ace Songify app (here) created by The Gregory Brothers (here).

Waterstones Oxford Street

—Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut

Auto-Tuned Opening Lines - Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut

Lyrics:

All this happened, more or less. The war parts, anyway, are pretty much true.

One guy I knew really was shot in Dresden for taking a teapot that wasn’t his.

Another guy I knew really did threaten to have his personal enemies killed by hired gunmen after the war.

And so on. I’ve changed all the names. 

I really did go back to Dresden with Guggenheim money (God love it) in 1967.

It looked a lot like Dayton, Ohio, more open spaces than Dayton has.

There must be tons of human bone meal in the ground. 

I went back there with an old war buddy, Bernard V. O’Hare,

and we made friends with a cab driver, who took us to the slaughterhouse where

we had been locked up at night as prisoners of war.

—

You too can Auto-Tune your life using the ace Songify app (here) created by The Gregory Brothers (here).

Author Blog - Jess Richards

We’ve asked debut novelist Jess Richards about her favourite books and how they’ve influenced her. First, a bit about her novel:

Jess Richards - Snake Ropes

‘ON AN ISLAND OFF THE EDGE OF THE MAP, BOYS ARE DISAPPEARING. The day the tall men come from the mainland to trade, Mary’s little brother goes missing. She needs to find him. She needs to know a secret that no-one else can tell her. Jess Richards’ stunning debut will show you crows who become statues and sisters who get tangled in each other’s hair, keys that talk and ghosts who demand to be buried. She combines a page-turning narrative and a startlingly original voice with the creation and subversion of myths.’

You can find Snake Ropes on Waterstones.com here or in our real-life shops around the country.

And now, her selection (click on the covers or titles to be taken to their page on Waterstones.com):

Read More